Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.
Watch this short video clip* where Mandy tells her Twitter supervisor of her plight. Below is the full transcript:
Young Twitter Employee: Dr. Paulin, I’m your two o’clock.
Twitter Manager: Oh, hey Mandy, uh have a seat. What can I do for you?
Young Twitter Employee: It’s terrible, I can’t even, I have literally lost my ability to even…
Twitter Manager: Well let’s calm down. What was it? Some sort of tragic loss? Death in the family? No, no one misgendered you did they?
Young Twitter Employee: No. It’s even worse. Elon Musk wants to buy our company.
Twitter Manager: [Under his breath] All right not another one. All right, just tell me: What is it about Elon buying Twitter that actually bothers you? And remember, this is a safe space, There’s no judgment here.
Young Twitter Employee: If he buys our free speech platform, people will be able to have free speech on our platform.
Twitter Manager: Well that’s just stupid. All right, let’s get to the bottom of this, let’s go a little bit deeper. What exactly bothers you about somebody having free speech on our free speech platform?
Young Twitter Employee: If we don’t have the unilateral power to ban ideas we don’t like, we’d actually have to discuss and defend our ideas based on their own merit
Twitter Manager: And what’s the problem with that?
Young Twitter Employee: It’s just everyone who disagrees with me is a Nazi, so it’s imperative that I change their mind with force and violence.
Twitter Manager: Very interesting. Let’s, let’s try something else. I’m gonna hold up some shapes, and I want you to tell me exactly what you see [Twitter Manager holds up some images that resemble Rorschach Test ink blots].
Young Twitter Employee: Nazis, Nazis, Nazis. And that one kind of looks like a lip. Nazis, Nazis, Adolf Hitler, Nazis. Oh I know that one. It’s the Hindu symbol for peace. Namaste. Nazis, Nazis, Donald Trump. No wait, it’s still Nazis.
Twitter Manager: Fascinating. Now I’m gonna ask you a question. I want you to answer honestly. Is Elon in the room with us Right now?
Young Twitter Employee: Yes. I see him at work. See him at Whole Foods, I see him when I get into my Tesla. He’s everywhere. [Music] [She now screams and runs out of the room].
Twitter Manager: Alright. Whatever. Next.
Second Young Twitter Employee: Hey Doc:
Twitter Manager: What?
Second Young Twitter Employee: Why do you have these pictures of my mom?
End of story! In the final twenty-three seconds of the clip, a narrator makes a friendly pitch asking the viewers to subscribe to The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel.
*Video credit: The Babylon Bee YouTube channel (Satire site)